Take a moment and think back to the last romantic film you watched, or show for that matter. Think about the relationship that the two characters are in; maybe it’s the best friend who is secretly in love, or the two enemies who are trying to hide their true feelings for one another. If we’re being honest, and considering the day and age, the huge “climax” of most romantic movies is usually portrayed as a love scene.
And by love, I mean sex.
If I were to truly pinpoint the pinnacle of my downfall, it would be the time in my life when I tried to find love in meaningless sex.
I gave all of myself, physically and emotionally, to my first serious relationship. I was young, and naïve, and though there was never any talk of a future, I let Matt have a very special, intimate part of me. When we broke up, I felt like this act had been reduced to nothing more than the physical act itself.
What I created for myself was a vicious cycle of lonely nights with company I didn’t want, and an empty, broken heart.
Society feeds us the lie that hooking up and casual sex are what we need to fill that emptiness inside. Even though the relationship might end, we can still be fulfilled by staying “friends with benefits” or having “no strings attached” sex.
Loves, this is just a blatant attack from the enemy to try to steer us away from the light. It’s taking something God meant to be beautiful and special in a marriage, and destroying it. At the end of the night, we are left yearning for something more. In a way, I wish I could go back to my 18-year-old self, and tell her that I was on the wrong path, and that I was creating a wedge between myself and the Lord because of a boy.
I am such a believer in God creating beauty from our ashes that I mention it in all of my articles, because I truly feel that I am a living example of this verse (Isaiah 61: 1-3). With my ashes, He created my beautiful miracle of baby boy. But, beauties, if I’m being honest, I have been completely unsure of how to approach the topic of sex in relationships. I wanted to speak truth to the subject, but how do I do that without someone walking away offended? All I can say is: I’ve been there. I was finding myself in situations where I was in the wrong state of mind, and used it as an excuse for my poor decisions. I’ve been the girl who felt that since she was in a “committed” relationship (meaning a guy was willing to say that I was their girlfriend) it was okay to have sex.
But it wasn’t okay.
I can say it because I know it from personal experience; sex out of marriage is not okay. I would never want any girl feeling the way I felt about myself- worthless, used, helpless. We all deserve more than that. A man who is willing to pressure you into anything you don’t want is not a man worth your time. I unfortunately had to learn that the hard (but still blessed) way.
My testimony largely stems from the time I fell into sexual immorality in worthless relationships, perpetuated by promises that were never kept. I eventually felt so bad about myself that I felt like I didn’t measured up to worldly standards, just as the enemy wants. He’s always creating loopholes, unattainable hooks, and trying to destroy what God intended to be a beautiful part of the covenant He created for marriage.
What I love about The Simply Beloved is that our motto is “reinventing the Christian woman”.
It can be so hard seeing the Lord through our shame. I felt like I could never outright say that I was a Christian without someone whispering about hypocrisy or reminding me of my sin. But that’s where the word “reinvent” comes in to play. I was made new in Christ, and I have learned from my mistakes. I now use my story as an example for other women, even if it means delving into parts of my past that I’d rather not remember.
With that being said, I want to leave you all with this :
If you are finding yourself in a situation similar to the one where I have been, please don’t ever think that it’s too late to turn it around. Don’t allow the enemy to whisper shame in your ear, because he is only telling you lies.
If you are currently in an intimate relationship where you have tested the limits physically, listen to your heart, and to what God is encouraging you to do. It’s never too late to stop having sex.
You can still create a relationship where you and your partner are pursuing a foundation built on Christ, rather than your physical desires.
If you are single, and feel like you will never meet the man of your dreams, know that God is preparing you and refining your heart for the man He has planned for you.
The biggest thing to remember, my loves, is that the choices that matter the most are not the ones we made in the past, but the ones we make for the future.