#NotAlone [Cailyn]

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You are not alone in literally being alone.

The past few months of my life have been full of big transitions and big risks. For starters, I fell in love my last semester of college. Second, we both graduated and were on the search for jobs. Blake, my boyfriend, found a job in Charlotte, NC, and after a couple of months talking about it, we decided together that I would start looking for jobs in Charlotte, too. I embarked on the job hunt and interview process, all while holding three part time jobs in Knoxville. In March, I found a job at Verizon Wireless (which is a huge God thing and a whole different story) and was set to move the second week of April. Blake’s job, however, didn’t start until June and he wouldn’t be moving until the end of May. This was a very exciting time- finally I would get to be independent and have my first big girl job in a big new city with my love and best friend. I realized that I would be leaving friends and family, but I knew that we would keep in touch and visit each other.

I wasn’t very emotional on moving day- It was all so new and exciting that I couldn’t let myself be sad. I was so thankful to have my family, friend Leah, and Blake move me to Charlotte. A few hours after everyone left reality set in and I found myself alone in my apartment and in a city I knew very little about. I moved about a week before my job started so I would have time to settle into my new place and explore the city- and while all these adventures were exciting I caught myself feeling very alone. No longer was I in Knoxville or Johnson City where I knew I could call a friend or family to grab lunch or coffee whenever I felt like it. I was literally on my own. When these feelings crept up I pushed them down and tried not to feel anything. I wanted to be strong and make myself and everyone else believe that I was 100% okay and not scared of anything.

Naturally, these feelings caught up with me and came spilling out one weekend while Blake was visiting me. During conversation one night I began crying and told him how I missed my friends and family, was stressed about affording everything, starting a new job, and not having very much time off to travel to visit the people I missed. I hadn’t wanted to share all this with him initially because I didn’t want to be a burden on him- I would always rather take on other people’s burdens than be one myself. He was more than understanding and talked me through all of my concerns and doubts- and that’s when it hit me- there is no way that I am alone in any of this. I had one of those epiphany moments and felt a sense of peace rush over me. Jesus says to “cast all anxieties on me, because I care for you (1Peter 5:7).” How easy that is to forget and neglect. I had a vision where I could literally picture Jesus sitting beside me and saying, “Dear child, you are not alone, you do not have to carry all these burdens because I will carry them for you.” Jesus doesn’t want us to bottle things up until the bottle breaks, he wants us to lay them at his feet and rejoice in him. I am so thankful for a supportive system of love, family, friends, to help me through this transition and even more to Jesus for always having my back.

In times of weakness, call out to Jesus. We aren’t called to go through this life alone- we have a full-time companion.

After I addressed my feelings of being alone I received several encouraging text messages and calls from family saying they were praying for me on this new chapter of my life and know how hard of a transition it can be. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and that Jesus speaks through people to give us encouragement.

Life isn’t easy, and we don’t have to carry it all. You are not alone, never!

XOX

Cailyn

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