As my busy week came to end, I told myself I was going to take the weekend to catch up on much needed rest. But as friday night rolled around I found myself pacing the floors of my house and feeling quite…. alone.
[A little debrief for you]
I’m currently praying and learning how to be the best single mother I can be for my daughter, and being well into the early stages of “terrible two’s”, some days are real tough. I’ll be honest with you though, I don’t usually have many moments where I’m aware of my reality. Between motherhood and running a ministry + outreach, my nights end with me crawling into bed without a minute to really think upon being alone.
Tonight, in my weekend of “mental health” time, the reality of being alone truly dawned on me. It was in that moment that I felt overwhelmed and weak. I began to feel bad for myself and about my situation.
I gave myself two many minutes to feel bad for myself before I had and thought,
Okay, I can either continue to sit here consumed in self pity or I can find the joy.
When the word “joy” came into play, I immediately found myself grinning ear to ear while replaying images and moments of my precious little girl. I thought about my God who goes at this with me + never leaves my side. See, once I really placed my life into reality, I no longer felt sad or alone. I know that my life is not defined by these little moments of loneliness or being a single mother or the fact that I’m divorced. My reality is what I choose to make it, and God gives me plenty of incredible moments to define my life.
I didn’t finish my night reminiscing, though. Since my sweet one was asleep for the night, I decided to slip into a pretty dress, a pair of heels + put on my favorite lipstick. I danced the night away in my kitchen, prepared myself a homemade meal + enjoyed a glass of good Cabernet.
I remembered that I didn’t need a man to make me feel sustained or beautiful. I already am because of Who created and carries me.
You’re not alone either, my darlings, and your reality is what you want to make of it.
So slip into your favorite dress, throw on some heels, put on your favorite lipstick, and treat yourself to a date night.
Because you deserve it.